Saturday, May 2, 2009

Culture of fear

I want to show my appreciation to everyone who voiced concerns about my decision to post the information about my cancer. While I appreciate your concern, I was careful not to post the pages containing any more information about me than you can already find on the internet. My patient number is not my social security number. The numbers are blurred now just to ease your minds.

That we live in a culture of fear is undeniable. Turn on any news program and you are being fed more reasons to be afraid of the world you live in. Personally, I feel this is a shame. I would much rather focus on the beauty of the experiences this world has to offer than the danger. If I lived in fear, I would not be able to function at all. I would have missed out on many of the most incredible learning experiences of my life and I would be totally freaking out right now, thinking about what I have to do in the near future to deal with this disease.

We know the chemicals the body produces in response to fear can be toxic, especially in prolonged doses. Panic, hysteria and shutting oneself off from the world is just not the way I want to live. I have had people tell me I am courageous. I don’t feel particularly courageous; I just don’t want to close off the possibility of life. I know I have a limited time to be here and I want to make the most of it. I know I can’t do that by hiding in my house or panicking or crying.
I have chosen not to take the safest road through my life, and as a result have had many exciting and colorful experiences, I'd never ever trade for a safety net.
I am creating this blog to share my experiences and emotions around dealing with cancer and the medical establishment. I hope to give someone else who is beginning her own journey an idea of what to expect, what possibilities are available and some of these blogs will simply be me venting.
I know the feeling of helplessness that occurs when one is presented with the news that someone you know has cancer. You want to do something, but there really isn’t much you can do. Please know that I appreciate it and if I do need something you will most likely read about it here. Know also that I am not afraid of my identity being stolen. Like a cancer diagnosis, if that were to happen, I would take whatever steps necessary to deal with the situation.

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